What's wrong with me?

I don't know what goes wrong with me.

I can't control my mind,my mood,my tears...

I'm just gone crazy and out of control.

I feel like I'm suffering, its a painful travail. [Mentally]

I can't even feel my heartbeat. I feel like there's a hard pressure on my chest.I'm lacking of oxygen.

I want to scream, but I've no courage to scream.

There's strange fear is approaching toward on me. It's going to attack me, and devour me.

I'm feeling helpless and hopeless...

I cried but no one know.

No one will know how much tears I'd hit to the ground.

Maybe I'm being so stress? Probably.

From where or what or who?

From School, Studies + Friendship, Friends?

I just look like a naughty child.

I deserved punishment from my mistakes.

Crying doesn't work and doesn't worth.

I been grounded in a dark hole.Alone.

It's cold and silent.

I'm an abandoned child.

No one love or even care.

I'm begging the God to let me go,escape from this cold cruel world.

God rejected my request.

God said, it's a punishment and also a frustration.

I gonna learn to face it and solve it myself.

Human destined to have frustration.

Some lucky person may have less frustration.

Like me, I'm the unfortunate one.

I gotta face lots of frustration in my life.

Learn how to wake up when hardness knocked me down.

I gonna to be tougher and braver.Then, I only can get my candy.

But, all I want is not candy.

I want caress,love and money as well.

There's always improvement that I've to learn.

I swear I'm learning and processing.

But who know? No One.

Who saw the effort? No One.

Who care bout me? No One.

Who love me? No One.

Who concern me? No One.

Who support me? No One.

There's No One. No One and No One.

Who know about me? NO ONE.

Who know my feelings?My toughness. My sadness.My tiredness. My Loneliness.

I'm nothing, perhaps.

I'm just someone invincible?

Is there someone that I can talk to?

Is there someone that I can hug with?

Is there someone that I can count on?

I've million of questions. But there's no any answer for it.

I'm feeling like dying.

An alive dead man.

No tears, because it's already dried out.

No feelings, because it's already habituated.

No expression, because it's already frozen.

I don't wanted them at all.

Tried to get rid of them.

But no one help me escape from them.

Tears are not enough stronger to pull me away.

I force myself to smile,to laugh,to be okay.

But pretending is the hardest thing i ever had.

The pressure keep pushing me.

The negative thought wasn't me to wanted it.

The positive thought was existed but not for long in me.

The neutral thought made me struggled and injured my heart.

Counsel or psychology therapy may help me?

I don't think so.

For me, Friends are the greatest counselor and psychologist.

But, where are they?