Things (shit) happen.

One more week to December. 

I have only one more week to finish ALL my assignments. 

It's super duper RUSH. 

3 major subjects in short sem can kill. I'm so dead. :(

My dearest Digital Illustration, I love you but I hate you too. 

Basically, I haven't done anything in this subject.

I'm still proceeding my very first realistic rendering.

Let's count, I have to do 2 realistic rendering, 3 b/w portraits, 3 colour portraits, and hell yeah, Final project which I have to do 3 character designs and storybook. 

Each of it takes a long period to complete and I have to get it done within a week. It's definitely a mission impossible. I don't want to resit or retake or whatever. :(

I feel ashamed of myself. My time management is really a big problem. 

Packaging 2. SIGH!

My dear Mr.Travis wasn't around for 2 weeks last month. 

Once a lecturer not around, we would become lazier and lazier.
Everything turn into procrastination. 

Regretful and guilty. 

Final project is a group project it decides us... Alive or Dead. 

I hope everything goes well. Pooi Pooi is my partner this time. She is really a talented one.

The only problem is, both of us NEED TIME to do our works. 

Cross fingers. We can do it! :)

Typography ain't really an easy one but it's considered as the easiest in this sem. 

My final assignment - calendar design is doing fine so far, just need add on/adjust something then case close.

Stress level keep increasing lately.

The pressure occurs in me is like a snowball, rolling, rolling, rolling, getting bigger and bigger.

I'm barely breathing.

I tried to stay up late to complete my work. I failed. I fell asleep. 

I wonder is my body started to fight against my will?

Last sem I still can holding on. During weekdays, the average of my sleeping time was only 2 to 3 hours.

Every single night I told myself to stay up late, eventually I fell asleep.

Wake up in the early morning to do work is not really working on me.

Once I fall asleep, I'm technically a dead man. I couldn't hear any sound. 

That's why I rather stay up late to do my work than wake up early.

Even Mr.Mok sent some songs to my phone which to put them as my alarm clock alert. 

Can't admit that those songs are really LOUD, sometimes they worked! BUT not always. 

There was one day that I was extremely emo. 

I was planned to stay up late Again but I FAILED AGAIN. 

I woke up at 6 a.m. The moment I realized I fell asleep and my plan is totally a failure, I was so mad at myself. The first word spat out from my mouth was definitely a rude F word. 

I was suppose to complete my typography work and show to my lecturer on that day.

I have to mention it again, I FAILED. I'm such a failure.

From my house to college has to take about 1 hour ++. On the way to college, in the crowded LRT, I started to dreaming. Or should I say, Blaming?

I have tones of monologues in my mind.

The saddest part is, I am an emotional person, sentimental type and so, I started to blame myself.

My brain kept telling me how useless I am. I feel so down and there's no one to pull me up.

God knows how that particular idea invaded me. 

I feel so helpless. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

When I reached college (drawing studio), I said nothing, sat down and started with my UNDONE work that I should have done last night. 

My eyes were pain when I look at the screen of my laptop. The tears feel like bursting out but luckily it didn't. It's kinda weird if I suddenly cry out in front of my classmates/laptop.

I was totally lost in my mind and the only thing I knew at that moment was just wanted to do my work silently. Mr.Mok tried to scared me with his "sudden clap" (he is pretty lame) but I got no reaction at all. I was too into my assignment, I ignored everything happens around me like I'm living in my own world. 

Expression on the face couldn't hide, I couldn't even pretend, I show everything in my face. 

I guess I didn't look good (obviously no one looks good when they aren't in the mood), Mr.Mok asked me what happened. I shake my head and didn't make a sound. 

My face was telling him I wasn't feeling well I think. 

I was not feeling well as in mentally/spiritually but not physically. 

Thanks God no one keeps asking me that, I'm pretty sure if I speak at that time, my tears would bursting out like hell and out of control.

It's pretty stupid and silly that someone do cry over about this kind of stuffs.

It seems like a small matter, oh well, it does. The problem is not really about you failed a plan or something else. It's the pressure and stress that you're handling. 

I needed a hug as consolation. Luckily I still found someone to hug in college, owh, I miss high school!

I got back to normal aka the usual me really quick. (Just so me, could be crazy and happy but the next moment would just emo) 

I told them (Mr.Mok and my classmates) that I ACCIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP last night. 

Guess what's the most comforting words from my classmates? 

"Aiya, same same la~" LOL

It does make me feel better, I guess. 

Sometimes I do wonder why people could be that optimistic?

Maybe I'm just too pessimistic. :/

It's a long post. I hasn't posted anything lately and I have so freaking damn much of complaints.

My parents are travelling in China now. Travel for 3 weeks... 

My sister be in charge of cooking/ prepare our meals and so I become a MAID who has to wash dishes/kitchen tools). 

We take turns to do the chore, like wash clothes ( actually just throw everything into the washing machine, the hard part is to dry the clothes and fold it nicely).

My sister cooked, I eat, I wash dishes, ok, it's quite fair enough.

BUT... (there's always a BUT)

She's in sem break aka holiday, ME, a lot of assignments to rush, I am freaking BUSY.

You know what makes me feel MAD?

Sometimes I went off to college in the MORNING and get back at NIGHT. 

Breakfast, lunch and even dinner I would settle it by myself.

Please tell me, why the hell I have to wash all the dishes (which including dishes from breakfast, lunch and also dinner) EVEN I WASN'T TAKING ANY MEAL ON THAT DAY? 

HELLO, I WENT OUT WHOLE DAY, I GOT HOME AT NIGHT, YOU, ONLY 3 PERSONS, COULDN'T YOU JUST WASH YOUR OWN DISHES? 

YOU WAIT ME TO GOT HOME AND WASH ALL THE DISHES THAT "YOU" USED?

What kind of logic is it? It's not even logic at all. 

That's what I get mad at!

I reached home at night, the next morning I have to go to college again. You thought I am your maid? You thought I am so freaking FREE? 

You don't even wash your cups. Damn. My grandpa and brother can use 6 cups in ONE DAY. 

Morning tea, tea time, even have a cup of freaking tea at night.

I am not your freaking maid and I don't even got salary. 

UGH. DAMN. 

I wanted to stay over at college or someone's house.

I don't want to be a MAID and I wanted to complete my assignments.

My house is freaking FAR from college, it's kinda wasting my time on the way to college/home. 

My mood is spoiled in this freaking house too. 

It does affect my efficiency of completing my works. 

This world has a lot of UNFAIR things happen. Shit happens. 

I can't stand with it. I already bear with it for more than 2 weeks. Now I couldn't even waited another few days to wait my parents to come back. 

I hated that. My hands aren't meant to do house chores. 

Don't ask me to this and that. God damn it. 

Where's my saviour? 

I guess no one could help me but ME.

Shit happens and I need to get over with it.