In the blue...

It's been kinda emo lately. Since the first company that I applied for internship had turned me down. For now, there's no news from lecturer and also from email. This is depressing. The first company that I chose to apply is definitely a wrong decision. :( Ain't an easy company to get it though, one of the top advertising agency. My lecturer also wants us to get in top advertising agency. Pressure calculated, from lecturer and also from myself. Of course I wanted to get into a good company that I could learn a lot from. I also made my mind up that I wanted to be in advertising field, not only just graphic design. 

Maybe, I have another thought now. 

Maybe, I should just simply get into any graphic design firm that nearby my house. I lost my faith and hope now. I just wish to go to anywhere that could let me do my internship and anywhere convenient. My mental and heart just ain't strong as people thought. I hardly bare to handle that kind of pressure and failure. Not really a big deal though, but it's really killing me, from the inside. :(

Most of my classmates already confirmed where they go for internship. I guess sometimes I just lack of luck. The feeling sucks. I feel so blue and down. I would even doubt about my ability and maybe I'm such a failure. Why the pessimism? Well, it's not what I could control and I just suck it up. 

While waiting for reply or maybe there would not have any reply.

I just stuck at home and being lifeless. TV, FB, facing the laptop, oh, I spend half of my day for sleep, everyday. Being a total loser. 

Those dramas from HK or US, I've watched them all. I mean I only watch what I wanted to watch until there's no more episode, which I'm being bored now cause there's no more episode to let me watch.

Everyday open fb and refresh, refresh and refresh. Play games and games and games. 

Pretty much just wasting time during this "break". Did something at least mean something? Oh, I'll going to learn how to drive, yay, at least this is something. I did taken a freelance job to design a logo and signboard. This one didn't earn much, cause I have no experience and I'm still a student. At least got pay. LOL.

Hang out with friends?

Oh about that, I'm total broke right now. Look at my own bank account I feel like crying. 

Still, I would hang out once or twice with friends. I'll control my expenses since I'm so damn broke.

I'll always draw during holidays. I wanted to but lately I don't have the kick and the mood to draw anything.

I guess if one day I haven't got any place for internship, I'll just keep being a total loser and in a damn deep blue. No mood for any damn thing. This is so lifeless and sad. Am in dispirited me.